Uganda Be Kidding Me by Chelsea Handler

One of my guilty pleasures was the Chelsea Handler Show.  The humor was rough, and she held nothing back in expressing her views on politics, religion, sports, or a myriad of other targets of her caustic wit.  Her books are largely autobiographical, and she doesn’t even spare her own family.  Her recent book, Uganda Be Kidding Me hilariously describes her trip to East Africa.  I laughed so hard, my face hurt. Here is Chelsea’s description of the beginning of their flight to Africa.  She writes, “I was asleep before the plane even took off.  I had told the pilot I was pregnant and suffering from severe motion sickness, and after he agreed to let me turn mu chair into a bed, I ordered one more Bloody Mary, popped a Xanax, and woke up in Dubai. // I like to sleep as much as possible.  I like to sleep on planes primarily to avoid technology.  My grasp of electronics is commensurate to my grasp of the moon; I’m unclear as to how either arrived at its current status.  Nor do I have the attention span or wherewithal to make heads or tails of why I’m so far behind the general populace in accepting the theory of space and time, and its relevance to my own life.  On a side note: I find most astronauts to be class A narcissists” (13).  I have serious doubts about the levels of her alcohol and drug consumption.  I cannot imagine she would be able to function as she does if it were all true.

Chelsea does have her serious side, but she can’t resist even a slight jab at the end.  In this part, she writes about her arrival in Africa.  “For someone who’s never been more than moderately interested in animals, the place was surreal and, to be honest, borderline amazing.  We were transported from a tiny nugget airport by an open-aired jeep to an outdoor lodge, where we were served iced green teas on a tented deck that overlooked a view of the reserve and exposed granite that the river had carved through.  Right before our eyes was this majestic landscape filled with brooks, boulders the size of planets, and hippos wading into watering holes while wild elephants called to each other.  It was like being on the set of Jurassic Park but with room service” (17). 

Chelsea Handler’s Uganda Be Kidding Me is not for everyone, but certainly for her legions of fans, among whom I count myself.  5 stars.

--Chiron, 2/11/16

Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis

One fun source of books for my staggering TBR pile is Workman Publishing’s “Page a Day Calendar for readers.  Every morning I am greeted with a novel, biography, history, or poetry for my reading pleasure.  I knew about Kingsley Amis through the Booker Prize, which he won in 1996.  Lucky Jim is considered by many critics to be his best comic novel.

According to the biography in my copy, Kingsley Amis was a novelist, poet, and critic widely regarded as one of the greatest satiric writers of the 20^th century.  He was born in suburban South London.  He attended St. John’s College, Oxford on a scholarship where he began a lifelong friendship with poet Philip Larkin.  He served in the British Armey during World War II, and upon his “demobbing” – as the English put it – he finished his degree and joined the faculty of the University College of Swansea in Wales.  Lucky Jim, his first novel, was published in 1954.  He also taught for a year at Princeton University.  Amis published 24 novels, including his Booker Prize winner, The Old Devils.  He was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 1990.  He died in 1995. 

Lucky Jim is the story of Jim Dixon, a beleaguered lecturer of Medieval History.  Hanging onto his perch at an unnamed provincial university and capturing the girl of his dreams are his principle occupations.  Despite the age of this novel, it struck me as remarkably timely even today.  I place it on a shelf with other of my favorites set in academia, such as Beet, The English Major, Stoner, and Straight Man.

A cautionary word, the British humor is typically dry and requires some close attention to get the jokes.  Here is a sample of Amis describing a hangover: “He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning.  The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again.  A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse.  His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as a mausoleum.  During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run, and then been expertly beaten up by secret police.  He felt bad” (60).

In an introduction by the critic and writer, Keith Gessen, Jim Dixon is modeled on Philip Larkin.  When Amis sent the manuscript to his friend for comment, Larkin responded that he ought to make Dixon more like Amis.  A funny exchange ensued with a catalogue of faces Amis could use. 

Amis gave up teaching, because it interfered with his writing.  Eventually, Amis surpassed his friend Larkin in notoriety, and the two drifted apart, despite a dedication to Larkin.  Kingsley Amis’ debut novel, Lucky Jim, is a hilarious romp through academia in the aftermath of World War II, and Amis deserves the acclaim he garnered.  5 Stars

--Chiron, 12/3/15

Deaf Sentence by David Lodge

Twice short-listed for a Booker Prize, David Lodge, a British author has a novel in a sub-genre I really enjoy – novels set in Academia.  His 2008 novel, Deaf Sentence, is a darkly comic tale of Professor Desmond Bates and his wife Fred, who is a partner in a home décor and design business.

Professor Bates headed the linguistics department at a university.  He began losing his hearing, and when he was offered an early retirement he took it.  Fortunately, his wife had partnered with a friend in the opening of her business, and as he retired, the business picked up, and the couple had a healthy income.  He also cares for his elderly father, whom he visits once a week to spend the day.

Desmond occasionally regrets his retirement.  Lodge Writes, “At first it was very enjoyable, like a long sabbatical, but after eighteen months or so his freedom from routine tasks and duties began to pall.  He missed the calendar of the academic year which had given his life a shape for such a long time, its passage marked by reassuringly predictable events: the arrival of the excited and expectant [freshman] every autumn; the Department Christmas party with its traditional sketches by students mimicking the mannerisms and favorite jargon of members of staff; the reading week in the spring term when they took the second year to a residential conference centre in the Lake district; the examiners meetings in the summer term when, sitting round a long table heaped with marked scripts and extended essays, they calculated and classified the Finals results like gods dispensing rewards and punishments to mortals; and finally the [commencement] itself, processing to organ music in the Assembly hall, listening to the University Orator fulsomely summarize the achievements of honorary [graduates], shaking hands afterward with proud parents and their begowned children sipping fruit punch fruit punch under the marquee erected on the Round Lawn, after which all dispersed to a well-earned long vacation.  He missed the rhythm of the academic year as a peasant might miss differences between seasons if they were suddenly withdrawn; and he found he missed too the structure of the academic week, the full diary of teaching assignments, postgraduate supervisions, essay marking, committee meetings, interviews, and deadlines for this and that required report, tasks he used to grumble about but the completion of which, however trivial and ephemeral they were, gave a kind of low-level satisfaction, and ensured that one never, ever, had to confront the question: what shall I do with myself today?  In retirement, he confronted it every morning as soon as he woke” (28).

This passage seems eerily prescient as inch toward retirement myself.

David Lodge has a couple of items, which gave me pause; however, I quickly adapted to his style.  Of course, the long sentences and extensive use of the English Major’s carefully protected and hoarded punctuation mark – the semi-colon.  But all in all, a pleasant read for anyone who has spent more than a few years in academia.  David Lodge’s novel, Deaf Sentence, holds a well-earned spot on my shelf of fiction set in academia.  5 stars.

--Chiron, 11/28/15

Welcome to Night Vale by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor

In my rich, interesting, and varied reading life, I have made friends with numerous strange and weird novels.  From Joyce’s Ulysses and Finnegan’s Wake to Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves – the story of a house larger on the inside than on the outside – my mind has been bent, my logic challenged, and my thought processes twisted beyond understanding.  However, a new novel by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor has topped them all for sheer bewilderment.  Welcome to Night Vale stemmed from a podcast posted by the authors and presented as a radio show for the fictional town of Night Vale, which reported on the strange events that occur there. The series was created in 2012.  Cecil Gershwin Palmer is the host, main character, and narrator of the novel.

The podcast typically airs on the first and fifteenth of every month, and consists of "news, announcements and advertisements" from the desert town, located "somewhere in the Southwestern U.S.”  In an interview with NPR, Joseph Fink said that he "came up with this idea of a town in that desert where all conspiracy theories were real, and we would just go from there with that understood.” 

The novel is part suspense, part mystery, mostly comedic, and all mind-bending.  To give a taste of the novel, I will offer a few short passages, none of which will give away any the plot, but all will reveal details of the story.  That’s my version of a typical line by the authors.  Buckle up, here we go:

“Clocks and calendars don’t work in Night Vale.  Time itself doesn’t work” (4).  “There was always some world-ending cataclysm threatening Night Vale.  Feral dogs.  A sentient glowing cloud with the ability to control minds (although the Glow Cloud had become less threatening since its election to the local school board)’ (5).  Most mind-bending of all is this description of Jackie Ferro, a perpetual 19-year old woman who ran a pawn shop.  The authors wrote, “She understood the world and her place in it.  She understood nothing.  The world and her place in it were nothing and she understood that” (5).  Jackie meets a mysterious man she does not recognize, and decides “to make a list of everyone who might know about” him. […] She pulled out “a promotional pen from a festival put on by the city a few years ago.  THE NIGHT VALE SHAKESPEARE IN A PIT FESTIVAL.  FALL INTO THE BARD’S WORDS, it said.  The broken leg had been painful, but she did love the pen” (43). 

Jackie visits “Old Woman Josie” to find out if she knows anything about her missing son, Josh.  “She turned.  There was a being that was difficult to describe, although the best and most illegal description was ‘angel.’  Angels are tall, genderless beings who are all named Erika” (58).  Of course they do not exist. // “‘I was just doing some trimming,’ the being said.  They were holding hedge trimmers and standing by an empty patch of dirt.  There were no plants of any kind anywhere near them” (58).

I could go on like this for way more time than I have, or don’t have, or wish I didn’t have, or have, but this fun and breezy read will offer many hours of humor, suspense, tears, joy, and mystery.  Classified as a YA novel, adults are forbidden to read it.  In fact, everyone should read it.  Let me be the first to give you a hearty “Welcome to Night Vale” by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor.  5 stars. 

--Chiron, 10/20/15.

What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions by Randall Munroe

I have never done this, but I am going to quote verbatim the author’s biography on the dust jacket of this weird, wild, wonderfully funny book, What If?  “Randall Munroe, a former NASA roboticist, is the creator of the webcomic xkcd and the author of xkcd: volume 0.  The International Astronomical Union recently named an asteroid after him; asteroid 4942 Munroe is big enough to cause a mass extinction if it ever hits a planet like Earth.  He lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.”

The subtitle, oddly enough placed above the main title, is “Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions.”  I laughed on almost every page, while remembering some of the absurd questions I asked as a youngster.  Sadly, my most absurd question is not here: “What would happen to a ball dropped into a hole which went clear through the planet?”  It was at a Boy Scout Summer Camp, and the recipient of this question, rolled his eyes and said, “Wait, stop, we are way off target here, we are talking about eclipses of the moon!”  I often cut off my students who begin with, “This might be a dumb question…” by telling them “there are no dumb questions, only dumb answers.”  I guess now I will have to add No dumb questions, only some pretty funny absurd ones.”

Here are some examples of Munroe’s wit and humor.  “What would happen if the Earth and all terrestrial objects suddenly stopped spinning, but the atmosphere retained its velocity?”  Answer: nearly everyone would die.  Then things would get interesting.  At the equator, the Earth’s surface is moving … a little over a thousand miles an hour,” resulting in “a sudden thousand-mile-per-hour wind. […] everyone and everything between 42 degrees north and 42 degrees south …about 85 percent of the world’s population – would suddenly experience supersonic winds.  The highest winds would only last for a few minutes near the surface; friction from the ground would slow them down.  However, those few minutes would be long enough to reduce virtually all human structures to ruins” (1).

Some of my favorite questions include, “If an asteroid was very small but supermassive, could you really live on it like the Little Prince [from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s novel, The Little Prince” (102).  I wondered about this the first time I read this wonderful ostensibly children’s story.  Here’s another, “What if I jumped out of an airplane with a couple of tanks of helium and one huge balloon?  Then, while falling, I release the helium and fill the balloon.  How long of a fall would I need in order to slow me enough that I could land safely?” (150).  Some people obviously have way too much time on their hands!  And finally, “If two immortal people were placed on opposite sides of an Earthlike Planet, how long would it take them to find each other?”  He did say absurd questions!  Spoiler alert: 3,000 years.  Other questions involve draining the oceans (204), and guessing on every SAT multiple Choice question (278).

For lots of fun and laughter – and some serious questions – pick up a copy of Randall Munroe’s book, What If? Serious Scientific Questions to Absurd Hypothetical Questions.  5 stars.

--Chiron, 10/12/14

Life As I Blow It by Sarah Colonna

One of my guilty pleasures is watching “Chelsea Lately” Monday through Thursday evenings on E! -- The Entertainment Network. In case some of my faithful readers have never encountered this comedy talk show, Chelsea Handler is the host, and she has three comedians on a panel. The three rotate among a seemingly endless list of A, B, C, and the occasional D-List stand up comics. Chelsea reads snippets of news mostly about show business figures. Once in a while, she talks about a politician or a world leader. The show is edgy, daring, provocative, and tends to specialize in sexual humor.

I find it hilarious.

Of all the regular comics, my absolute favorite is Sarah Colonna. I like her hair – reddish – I like her comedy – always funny and a bit dry – and I think she is sexy!

Now, I have read a couple of Chelsea’s books, which tend to deprecate her father, her brother, her friends, and her staff. These kept me laughing from beginning to end. When Chelsea announced Sarah had published a book, I immediately got a copy.

Unfortunately, I did not find this one as funny as Chelsea’s, nor was it as funny as Sarah is on the show. Perhaps my expectations had climbed a bit too high. While I did not hate the book, and while I felt no need to invoke the rule of fifty, I did have a pretty clear level of disappointment.

As the memory of Chelsea’s books fades, I think I will take another look at Life as I Blow It by Sarah Colonna. She is still sexy. 3 stars

--Chiron, 11/11/12

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler

Spoiler alert! Chelsea Handler holds a high position in the realm of my guilty pleasure reading. If you like her show, you will love her books. I also cannot help hearing her voice on every page.

Her practical jokes are elaborate, involve many people – including film crews – and are relatively harmless, if you allow for the humiliation she seems to enthusiastically enjoy pouring over her friends, family, staff, and co-workers.

Two of the chapters towards the end, are a bit less than the rest of the book, but even they have their moments.

Again, rated NC-17, her humor is not for everyone, but I love it. Like I said: A guilty pleasure par excellance!” 4-1/2 stars

--Chiron, 5/21/12

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

I stumbled on the E! show, Chelsea Lately, a couple of months ago, and found it quite funny. The show is a combination comedy and talk show. She usually has three comics on a panel, and they all skewer celebrities. Chelsea ends the show with a guest featured in a new movie. For a while, a “realty” show aired called After Lately, which was about Chelsea and her crew preparing for her nightly show.

Her humor is not for everyone – it largely revolves around sex, drugs, alcohol, and little people, whom she refers to as “nuggets.” I decided to try one of her best-selling comedy books, which is more of the same and definitely rated NC-17.

Quoting from the book would require either taking things out of context or bowdlerizing them so much the humor would be lost. She does have her moments, many of them, in fact. She is not hard to look at – quite cute, really. Try the show first – if you find yourself laughing, you will most definitely enjoy this book. I might get another for some light reading. 4 stars.

--Chiron, 6/15/11

Chipmunk Seeks Squirrel by David Sedaris

At first, I did not really like this collection of fables, but, trapped on a long flight to California, and with nothing else to read easily at hand, I decided to slog through to the end. Actually, I began to enjoy the tails [pun intended], and the last were the best of all.

I really look forward to Sedaris’ pieces on NPR, but I rarely enjoy his writing. It always seemed smarmy to me, and I had a hard time relating to his tone. However, I heard him interviewed on Terry Gross’ show, Fresh Air and felt this latest book might be interesting. I also saw him interviewed on Jon Stewart, so I decided to give him another try.

This book had its moments, but it will not make me a fan of his writings. As I began this review, I tried to figure out some explanation for this dichotomy, but I came up empty. As I said, the last story was really good, and made me close the book with a chuckle. “The Grieving Owl” tells the story of an owl whose mate is three days dead. he obsesses over learning things, and jilts a young female his mother tried to match him with. Two brothers and his mother stalk the grieving owl, and sometimes steal his victims of hunting, because he asks them to teach him something in exchange for their freedom.

Now, a beast fable is a story with animals who have human characteristics – including the power of speech – which contains some moral lesson. Chaucer’s “The Nun’s Priest Tale” is a classic of the genre, right up there with Aesop and his foxes, hares, and tortoises. The glitch is in the moral. For the life of me, I cannot figure out this as any more than a humorous, slightly bawdy story. Characteristics shared by most of the tales.

Owl sees a rat and debates the one rule of owldom – never engage with your food. Kill it immediately and eat. But he catches a rat, and begins a conversation:

“So this rat, it was as if he were following a script. ‘I just swallowed some poison,’ he claimed. ‘Eat me, and you’re destined to die as well.’

It’s embarrassing to hear such lies, to think they think you’re dumb enough to believe them.

‘Oh please,” I said.

The rat moved to plan B. ‘I have children, babies, and their counting on me to feed them

I said to the guy, ‘Listen. There’s not a male rat in the history of the world who’s given his child so much as a cigarette butt, and don’t try to tell me otherwise. In fact,’ I went on, ‘from what I hear, any baby of yours has a better chance of being eaten by you than fed by you.’”

Grim humor, yes, but pretty amusing. The brother of Owl, steals the rat when he tells Owl something interesting, and then the brother eats the poor fellow. Oh, well. If I ever figure out what the moral is, I’ll let you know. 3 stars

--Chiron, 1/7/11

"It All Changed in an Instant": More Six-Word Memoirs by the Editors of Smith Magazine

This fun book takes its place on my shelf among many others of the genre. John Train’s “Remarkable” series heads the list – True Remarkable Occurrences and Remarkable Names of Real People, for example, have a hilarity about them, which sometimes causes roars of laughter or a bout of goose bumps. This little volume does all that and more.

The premise is simple: famous and unknown writers submitted six-word biographies to Smith Magazine. I have so many favorites, but here are a few:

“Books then. Books now. Occasionally life.” –Nancy Pearl
“Heard some Shakespeare. Never went back.” –Casey O’Toole
“Everything I touch turns to mold.” –Lisa Anne Auerbach
“I have to constantly reinvent myself.” –Terry McMillan

And, of course, I could not resist making up one of my own: “Read, write, listen, love, and live.”

Lots of fun for a rainy afternoon. 5 stars

--Chiron, 2/18/10